pregnant

It’s been a month and four days since I last posted and oh so much has changed since then.

I’ve received tons of support and backlash from my last blog post.

People shoving it in my face saying, “ill pray for you” or “you should check out my church its nothing like those other churches” or “just because you got hurt doesn’t mean god isn’t good.” no shit? No Shit!

To the people who’ve assumed I’m some sort of atheist now- please stop.

You think I’ve given up on God because I’m mad at him? No. You are wrong.

You can be mad at someone but still love them. Did you know that? Did you know that human beings are capable of having feelings and shit?

So to calm everyone’s tits I’m not an atheist. I am mad at God and my heart is slowly healing from the bitterness.

Will I attend church again? Probably not anytime soon or the near future.

Will I still pray and listen to worship music? What the fuck is it to you what I do?

(I’ll relax with the curse words but it just makes it more evident to people when you use them plus its funny because i know there are pastors and super christians out there reading this and every time i curse on my blog you read it and have to curse in your head. haha so mean, lucy!)

To the people who have emailed me and met with me to apologize for everything that was done in the past… we’ve spoken. I would like to publicly thank you though. Thanks for reading my blog and keeping up with me through it. I won’t be your friend on facebook or follow you on twitter or instagram but knowing you read my blog and care that much even after the hurtful things i’ve said on here shows me that you really care. and nothing more.

To the people who’ve thrown their expectations at me and only talk to me when you have a bible study at your house or some sort of church event you want me to come too. I see your intentions and I reject them.

After I wrote the bitter daze blog I found out about 2 weeks after I was pregnant.

I thought it was so ironic how everything has followed suit since then.

That blog was a monumental change for me. The moment I found out I was pregnant was an even bigger monumental change for me.

I’d like to think God was saying, “child i hear you. I’d be upset if i had to go through all that shit too. but you gotta understand I still love you and i feel like the only way you could possible know that is if you had a child and felt what it’s like to be parent and raise kid.” I know i know. so silly but that’s how I’d like to think God would talk to me.

so with that said,

Josh and I are having a baby. I’m 9 wks 5 days today. My emotions are so up and down and my nose has betrayed me. I crave pickles and snowcones constantly. I eat fruit more and more each day. I can’t really eat meat and I’ve basically become a vegan against my own will. Baby Pinkerton is loved though. That’s all that matters. Oh and I’m good. I have my first appointment on monday and have lots of questions. Josh’s been so good to me and taking care of the cleaning and stuff. He’s the best.

Anyway,

That’s all I have to say for now.

Thanks for reading folks!

P.s. school is going great. stressful but great for Josh & I!

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