color changing hair.

img_20161227_140813_475It’s 2017 and my hair is mostly green.

In the last few weeks of 2016 I decided to go off the deep end and finally do something I’ve always wanted to do but felt like the time wasn’t right. Well the time is right and I did it. I went to my good friend who is also a hair stylist and she dyed my hair blonde then blue and green with a little bit of purple. I love it.

If you notice the women in your life usually change their hair color or style when something happens. Good or bad. As for me, I had signed up for classes again after having the summer and fall semesters off. I am signed up for 5 classes. 2 online and 3 in person. I am beyond excited but also a little scared. I know I can do it with the help of Josh cheering me on like he does best.

During my time off I discovered a lot about myself. I went to several counseling sessions and will continue to do so. I understand not a lot of people agree with going to counseling for mental illness but it’s helping me.

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression (ppd) after having C.J. It wasn’t him. It was me or is me. I’m gonna be very selective with what I say here because I know a few people who are reading will most likely jump down my throat for typing this out although I feel like I need to close the door of my ppd season. This is how I will close that door.

PPD sucks. Crying. Not being able to feel love. Feeling hopeless. Sad. regretting every decision I ever made. Feeling lumpy. depressed. not being able to relate to the happy moms on Facebook. I did not have a good few months but I feel like I did my best with Calvin with the help of Josh, his parents, my mom, Roel, Giovanna and Jon Rau. They all made sure I was able to live freely and openly without judgment. They are the best.

As I began to open myself up to my counselors I received a lot of clarity and I feel like I was given a purpose in life again.

Yes, I lost track of my purpose. I lost track of me. I didn’t have a great pregnancy and I didn’t have a great few months with being a new mom. I know I could’ve been more positive or prayed a little more but that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t be fixed with a few good words or praying to a god I no longer feel connected with. (that feels good to say out loud and to type out.) I understand now that it is 100% okay to say “hey my life sucks right now.” even if someone else doesn’t feel the same about MY life (because that’s a thing people do.)

Which I appreciate when people care. I appreciate when people share their concerns about our life or when they try to help. We both appreciate it. Although, when you don’t /actually/ care, you say you do but your actions don’t show it- it’s kinda hard to hear from you. This isn’t about anyone specific either. I am eating my own words too because I can be the same way.

All in all, this past year has been the toughest but the best. Josh is a great husband and dad. C.J. is the best baby I could have ever imagined and I am finally at a place in my life where I love the skin I am in.

Thank you to Josh for being there for me and with me every step of the way. Thank you to our family and friends for loving me, encouraging me and supporting me. I hope I am able to write more this year but if I don’t then I don’t.

Y’all have a great year ❤

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to my husband

hey josh,

I’ve expressed my feelings for you many times in person but I’ve decided to blog about them this time.

In a few days or moments we are going to be parents. Can you believe it? Yeah… I guess I can too. ;p

I can wait though and the only reason I say I can wait is because I am going to miss us. Not like we are gonna vanish once we have a kid but most of our time will be towards raising an adult. I am glad we are doing this together though.

I am going to miss our wine and cheese afternoons.

I am going to miss making burritos for days.

I am going to miss taking lots of pictures of the cats.

I am going to miss our trips to Austin.

I am going to miss going to Traders Village just for elote and licuados.

I am going to miss lots of things.

I am so grateful to have had many moments alone with you and for the many moments to come when Calvin arrives. You are going to be the best dad you can be and I can’t wait to co-parent with you. I love you so much.

I’d say more but we both know I’d ramble and blab things I probably shouldn’t say on the internet.

With that said…

I’ll miss you, Josh, my husband. I can’t wait to get to know, Josh, my husband and father to my child.

illmissus

Accomodations

We are days away from meeting Calvin Jon Pinkerton & I’ve decided to open up my blog again. The past several months have been chaotic, emotional and fun for Josh and I.

As some of you know, I started the fall semester pregnant and ended up being invited to join the honor’s society for collegiate scholars (ooOoo lala.) Now, I am finishing my pregnancy while still attending HCC full time with the help of accomodations (thank the legal gods.) This school semester has been a roller-coaster on it’s own. So many surprises and lots of emotional distress.

On February 14th, Josh and I took Michelle (Josh’s mom) out for Valentine’s dinner and we ended up in a 4 car pile up which totaled Josh’s car. I was sitting in the back seat, Josh was driving and Michelle was in the passenger seat. The airbags went off, we were all wearing our seat belts and it was one of the most traumatic events that I’ve experienced in my twenties. We went to the hospital afterwards to make sure CJ was a-okay. While at the hospital I started to have contractions and I was given two shots to stop them. I advised the nurse that I did not want to have to go into labor unless I absolutely had too. Luckily, I was given those shots (which I didn’t enjoy because of the side effects.)and the contractions subsided. About 5 hours later we were out and headed home.

At the beginning of our pregnancy I didn’t know how CJ could have survived. We had spent the last 6 weeks (his first 6 weeks) road tripping, dancing, hiking, jumping on trampolines, drinking margies and beer… I didn’t think I’d get this far in my pregnancy. (Don’t give me shit for thinking that either please and thank you.) So After this big accident, I still couldn’t believe how much of a fighter CJ is.

About a month later, I had a Dr appointment and my sisters came with me. Afterwards, we went to Gringos for lunch and headed back to my house because I needed to get to class. We were stopped at the toll. I had just paid and I was about to drive off when the guy behind me rear ended me. There was zero damage but of course. I was still shaken up from the last accident. I froze. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t talk. I just froze. We took down the young man’s information and I headed home to Josh then we went to the hospital. Again. I got through the check up and CJ was yet again, a-okay. He was moving around a lot and kicking. I had the minimal contractions but nothing big. About an hour later I was discharged.

After this event I decided I needed to tell Calvin Jon via email everything he’d gone through during his time in my womb. I read a quote the other day that really hit me that’s pertaining to birth and death… “Birth always looks like death from the other side..” which is unbelievably true. Of course, we can’t interview anyone who has come straight out of the womb otherwise this is the best interpretation to describe the process of birth and death.

All in all, our pregnancy story has been a roller-coaster of life changing events. Every birth story is different. Every pregnancy is different. And that is something I can never forget and won’t forget.

Also, I’m two days past my due date. We are all waiting on Calvin Jon to make his appearance any day now.

goodthingstaketime

 

Hudson

Fuck you.

“I ran into a person I met at Sagemont who was a total douche all the time & used Christ to defend the way he talked to people. Within 30 seconds of running into him, he asked me how I was doing financially. Not what I do for a living but how much money I make. He proceeded to tell me about how he owns two businesses, is a student mentor at his church & runs a charity that pays for poor people’s apartments in the Woodlands. All while being an awesome husband & father. I knew him back in 2008 during the presidential elections, he went around telling people that if you voted for Obama you weren’t a good christian, and I remember him telling me all the time that I needed to lose weight because the fat on my body was a sin. Fucked up dude, no one ever called him out on anything either. He just walked past me and poked my belly button. Fuck that guy.”

Hi Robin,

You don’t know me & I don’t know you but I don’t believe I would ever want to be associated with you & your husband. I’m really unsure if you know what your husband is doing or saying while you aren’t around but I know that if you did know then you are probably just as bad as him. Tonight, my husband went to see Mewithoutyou with his best friend. Your husband used to be associated with him. Your husband said a few hurtful words to my husband and to be honest if I was there at the concert with them your husband would’ve left with a big slap on the face. I’m blogging this to tell you that I am appalled. I am hurt for my husband and his best friend and I am sad for you. I am sad for you because your husband is exactly what Christians are. total fucking pricks. You see I am a pretty simple person as it is. I believe I am a compassionate person although when it comes to messing with my husband and family the compassion fades and no fucks are given. Except this time. This time I will pray for you, your husband and your newborn baby. I will ask the gods to grant y’all everything you will ever need. whether it be finances, favor & health. I hope you & your husband live to be 100. I hope that Dent Gents makes it big & becomes a large corporation & y’all become millionaires. I hope everything is easy for y’all & I hope y’all have happiness every single day. That y’all will never ever ever feel heart break. I hope y’all are healthy for many many many years. I hope you & him love each other every day. till one of you die. Best of luck & I hope god is forever grateful for the love you’ve shown to so many. I know it means a lot to y’all.

-Lucy.

P.s.
If you know me & would like to let me know you are praying for me. Tell Jesus. don’t tell me. you telling me or josh will do nothing but keep the coal of hatred I have towards people like Hudson burning longer than it should. I know I have anger problems and that I have to deal with them but this is my option for an outlet besides yelling or posting tons of facebook statuses about people I don’t even know. Thanks for reading!

shit talker.

Do not excuse me for my language.
Also *sorry not sorry hahahaha (sarcasm)*

I have many topics I want to blog about but today I’ve chosen this topic: shit talking.
Girls are the famous for this.
shit talking, talking behind each others backs, etc etc

I am notorious for this. If you are a close friend of mine you know I am. Why am I putting myself on blast?
Well I will tell you.

Many times people will use these types outlets (blogs, facebook, twitter, instagram, tumblr, etc) to talk shit or make themselves look better.
You know how I know? because I am one of those people. Don’t get shy on me now, Internet, you are too. I am okay with admitting that shit-talking is something I take part of. It’s entertaining. Like people watching or going to a music show. I can keep my mouth close if I want too and most times I do but around certain people I am comfortable with I take part in shit-talking. Am I bad person for admitting I do this? Am I bad person for this? No. I am “only human.”

What’s the difference between gossiping and shit-talking?

Gossiping according to the bible means someone who goes around & breaks friendships up, tells others secrets & tells lies.
Shit-talking according to myself means someone who talks shit about dumb things other people post about & talks about how it bothers them that people could be so dumb.

So I’ll leave you with this question…
where do you fall?
do you gossip about folks? spread lies? spread rumors? break up relationships?
or
are you an everyday shit-talker? laugh at the fault of others post? potentially ruin your own relationships with the acquaintances on your social media sites?

Neither is cool but it helps to know who you are regardless if it’s bad or good.

Curse words, Mean words

Sometimes I am reminded of the time I was given an opportunity to share my testimony with over 50 homeless folks. As I think about it, I was not ready. super unprepared & so prideful. I really disliked being a christian who worked for a church. not that I’m not a christian now, I’m just more aware of my actions & don’t work for a church. to those folks who are christians and go to church- loosen up. most of the time I hear stories from all sorts of folks saying how when they were christians they were total assholes and I have to be honest. I was an asshole. I still am but the difference is I am aware of that & I’m not blaming God. I’m not using God as an excuse to be a dick. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve said hurtful things to without using curse words just because that’s how I was taught at bible college. (oops did I say that?) yes I did say that.

I just want to give some encouragement… if you are christian, don’t be an asshole & if you are an asshole then own up to it & apologize. if you are not a christian, don’t be an asshole & if you are an asshole then own up to it & apologize.

Love always,

Mrs. Pinkerton

Aww Ships!

FriendSHIPS, RelationSHIPS & PartnerSHIPS.

Everyone has these types of ships. I love these ships. If I didn’t have these ships I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Friendships can turn into Friendshits (self-explanatory. also thank you Seana for this word.) Friendships are a two way deal… if one friend offers a hand & the other says constantly that they can’t take that hand then the friend just stops offering. at least thats how it is for me some times.

I would like to think I am good friend to some folks but to others I can be completely oblivious that they need me from the lack of communication or the times I’ve asked a person to hang out with me multiple times and they can’t. I’m not saying, “shame on you people who don’t hang out with me,” because I can be a bit much BUT what I am saying is if you care about someone & want to have a relationship (friendship) with them then communicating is a big factor.

In bible college someone said in order to make friends or have friends, you have to be friendly. I try to be friendly. I have little get togethers & invite all sorts of people usually the people I invite show up & have a good time. They meet new people and everyone has a good time. Why? because they’re friendly. They want to have friends.

When my best friend, Giovanna & I started hanging out more & more, we would talk constantly about our days, guys, music, food & etc etc. when we disagreed on situations we would swallow our pride & apologize to each other & move on… we most likely just laugh about how we both got our feelings hurt then eat chick fil a.

The moral of the story here is, be a good friend or a good person.

Please note: I wrote this blog about a month ago & have been editing it since the first time I typed it out.

Love always,
Mrs. Pinkerton!

Acquired Taste

Alcoholic beverages are an acquired taste. Just like onions, prune juice & cake. The only difference is the effects it puts you through if you have too much of it. Onions gives you smelly breath, prune juice makes you poop & cake gives you a sugar rush. I hate all of those things except for alcoholic beverages. I used to be against beer and vodka but now I’m all for having a drink or two with friends and family that are 21 & older. I am totally against under-age drinking & driving under the influence. I am not, as of now, against getting drunk. I know it’s in the bible that we shouldn’t drink to get drunk although sometimes you drink too much & you don’t even realize it because you’re having a good time. I’m not giving excuses I am telling you the truth from my perspective. It’s literally taken me almost a month to just type this blog out. Which I apologize for blowing this off but I think I just care too much of what people think when I talk about alcohol. BUT It’s not a big deal to me anymore whether I have a drink or not. So with that said, I am going to encourage a type of beverage every so often. As for this blog post today.. I encourage cranberry juice & titos vodka w/two limes! It’s my go-to drink when I don’t want beer! Tito’s vodka is texan made & cranberry juice is good even without vodka! ^.^

Love always,
Mrs. Pinkerton

Dude, God. Bro. Man.

Several years ago, I heard a teaching by Scott Crenshaw. It was my favorite teaching. I listened to it over and over again for many years now. He shared a story in this teaching about a kid who had just rededicated his life to Jesus. He was the type of kid who many called a stoner, hippie or a peace lovin dude. One night at youth this kid was asked to pray for everyone & so he did. The youth leader was very nervous because this kid was a undignified person. He was himself. At all times. Genuine. Authentic. The real deal. This kid starts to pray & says something along the lines like this, “Dude man God. you are so cool. thank you for loving us & giving us this time to hang out with you. alright well i’ll talk to you later man.” When I think about people who I would want to be like, I think about this kid.

For about a year now, I’ve been weighing my options & deciding who I think I am, who God says I am & who I am for others. I’ve decided that who I am and where I’ve been are two different things. My past whether it was good or bad- helpful or hurtful- it is my past. If the people who surround me can not except that then I apologize although if I were who I was at the age of 16 I don’t believe I’d have my job. Or Josh.

 

What this blog post all comes down to is my belief in God. The sweet struggle of believing & having faith in God the trinity is so hard. By far one of the hardest decisions of my life. When I was much younger I always knew God existed. When I even try to believe God doesn’t exist my heart stops & I get all like Eminem, vomit on my sweater moms spaghetti-nervous with sweaty palms. Etc, Etc.

Lately, when I think about the kid in the teaching Scott spoke about years ago- I strive to get to back to that place. Where the only thing that matters is pleasing Jesus & loving people. I know some folks might look at my life & believe I’m some fallen away TBI alumni Which I am. I’ve fallen away from believing what I was told to believe to believing what I know in my heart & the experiences Ive been able to experience with a clear mindset.

If you don’t agree with me & have taken the time to read this blog post- thank you. I know God is faithful to complete what He has started in me.

Dios Fiel folks!
Love always,

Mrs. Pinkerton

I’m not Lucy Saenz anymore.

josie grossie

Never been kissed is probably one of my favorite movies. I could go on about it but this blog post isn’t about giving y’all a review about a late 90’s film.

As many of y’all know, I’m not Lucy Saenz anymore! Yes, it’s true. I’m Lucy Pinkerton & I love it! On December 8th, 2013, Josh & I signed our marriage license. On January 25th, 2014 we had our wedding. It was the best day ever. We were surrounded by all the right people & received so much love from our family and friends.

Like I said in the beginning… I’m not Lucy Saenz anymore. It feels so great to say that over & over again. Not that being Lucy Saenz was so bad. I just really love being a Pinkerton. So far as a Pinkerton- I’ve come to love my family even more as well as my friends. I can sincerely say without my friends and family, Josh & I wouldn’t have had a wonderful wedding.

To wrap this short intro blog up, I would like to say Thank you for taking the time to read this & I can’t wait to continue writing about God, beer & relationships as well as my life as Lucy Pinkerton, with the internet.

Love always,

Mrs. Pinkerton