color changing hair.

img_20161227_140813_475It’s 2017 and my hair is mostly green.

In the last few weeks of 2016 I decided to go off the deep end and finally do something I’ve always wanted to do but felt like the time wasn’t right. Well the time is right and I did it. I went to my good friend who is also a hair stylist and she dyed my hair blonde then blue and green with a little bit of purple. I love it.

If you notice the women in your life usually change their hair color or style when something happens. Good or bad. As for me, I had signed up for classes again after having the summer and fall semesters off. I am signed up for 5 classes. 2 online and 3 in person. I am beyond excited but also a little scared. I know I can do it with the help of Josh cheering me on like he does best.

During my time off I discovered a lot about myself. I went to several counseling sessions and will continue to do so. I understand not a lot of people agree with going to counseling for mental illness but it’s helping me.

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression (ppd) after having C.J. It wasn’t him. It was me or is me. I’m gonna be very selective with what I say here because I know a few people who are reading will most likely jump down my throat for typing this out although I feel like I need to close the door of my ppd season. This is how I will close that door.

PPD sucks. Crying. Not being able to feel love. Feeling hopeless. Sad. regretting every decision I ever made. Feeling lumpy. depressed. not being able to relate to the happy moms on Facebook. I did not have a good few months but I feel like I did my best with Calvin with the help of Josh, his parents, my mom, Roel, Giovanna and Jon Rau. They all made sure I was able to live freely and openly without judgment. They are the best.

As I began to open myself up to my counselors I received a lot of clarity and I feel like I was given a purpose in life again.

Yes, I lost track of my purpose. I lost track of me. I didn’t have a great pregnancy and I didn’t have a great few months with being a new mom. I know I could’ve been more positive or prayed a little more but that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t be fixed with a few good words or praying to a god I no longer feel connected with. (that feels good to say out loud and to type out.) I understand now that it is 100% okay to say “hey my life sucks right now.” even if someone else doesn’t feel the same about MY life (because that’s a thing people do.)

Which I appreciate when people care. I appreciate when people share their concerns about our life or when they try to help. We both appreciate it. Although, when you don’t /actually/ care, you say you do but your actions don’t show it- it’s kinda hard to hear from you. This isn’t about anyone specific either. I am eating my own words too because I can be the same way.

All in all, this past year has been the toughest but the best. Josh is a great husband and dad. C.J. is the best baby I could have ever imagined and I am finally at a place in my life where I love the skin I am in.

Thank you to Josh for being there for me and with me every step of the way. Thank you to our family and friends for loving me, encouraging me and supporting me. I hope I am able to write more this year but if I don’t then I don’t.

Y’all have a great year ❤

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Starting and Finishing

Many moons ago, I said yes to Jesus. I said yes to what he had in store for me. I followed and heeded to his voice. I put my heart and soul into ministry, to his people & his work. I guarded my heart and my dreams, accordingly but that wasn’t all I was supposed to do.

Over a few months, I lost sight of what God called me to do when I was 16 years old. I lost track of what my purpose was and is. Which happens to everyone. God is faithful though. He still loves me. He still hears me. He is still with me. Since 2015 has started I decided I needed to get my life in order.

Of course when you line up with the word of God in your heart and mind, chaos follows. God is faithful though. From funerals to baby showers and weddings, my emotions have been a bit all over the place. I want to celebrate the life given on earth and the lives who are celebrating in Heaven but you know what? It’s hard. God is faithful though. When life is the hardest, it’s easy for those who know you and love you unconditionally to pray and support you. Whether it be with a funny picture or cute pictures of animals or reminding them of the good times you had with those people. I do have to say there were tears of joy and tears of brokenness but nonetheless The Holy Spirit came in with a great wind of peace over my heart and mind.

As part of getting my life in order, I took on a new job opportunity (since September 2014) & I enrolled in college. My current job is being a nanny for some of the most challenging and beautiful kids. I realized that teaching is a gift that’s been given to me so I am attending college to become an elementary teacher. Once, I accomplish being a 3rd grade teacher, I plan on making my way up to the administration side of education. Hopefully, by being a superintendent when I’m in my late-30’s. If the superintendent career doesn’t work out then who knows, maybe I’ll open up my own school. 😛

I started the semester in January with a 4 wk math class & now I am taking Intro to Education & an English class. So far, I am being challenged but I love it.

On February 18th, 2015, I made a decision. That decision is, “today I say yes to Jesus and everything that he has to offer me today.” No, I am not perfect. No, I will not immediately start attending a local church. No, I will not stop using curse words every day. No, I will not stop drinking wine. You can look up to me and ask me for advice and I will be honest with you. That is the best I can do though. If you look up to me & are disappointed with my actions. I am not sorry. I am a human. I make mistakes. I do whats best for myself and for my family. By the way, my family has increased.

I would like to welcome Munchie Pinkerton to the Pinkerton Family! He’s a 9 week old Blue heeler. His favorite toy is a pink and red love monster & a plastic pineapple. He likes to munch on everything and everyone. He’s friendly and tries to bark at dogs bigger than him. He loves running after Josh and myself & he started puppy training this past Sunday. I hope every one gets to meet him one day because he’s super fluffy and cute! Check out my instagram for more photos!

Back to the main focus of today’s blog. Every day is new. God forgives, God loves, & God is faithful.

Thank you Jesus for giving me another chance to live for you.

Hefewhut?

Hello internet!

I apologize for waiting a while to post something non-aggressive. For the next couple of post I’ll be taking a break & a few of my best friends will be giving us some awesome information about God, beer & relationships. This week’s blog is written by my best guy friend/boyfriend/husband/life partner, Josh. He will be blogging about the beer he brews & keeping us updated with his current batch. I am so excited to read what he’s written & excited to try his new batch.

PSA: Josh is 24, second oldest, loves video games, beer, LOTR, GOT & most of all He loves me & our two cats. ^_^

Here’s Josh…

Brewing beer is an entertaining and relaxing craft. What I love about home-brewing is that you get back what you put into it. If you take a very casual approach to your brew, you’ll end up with a satisfying beer that won’t win any awards, but it’ll impress the hell out of your friends, and home-brew makes a great gift. If you put lots of effort and money into it, you’ll end up with something that could rival even the best craft breweries. I’ve been Home-brewing for around 6 months now. I have 3 batches under my belt, and I’m planning out my 4th batch now. I have about 3 other batches that I plan on doing; I’m just waiting for the equipment and time to free up. If I had the equipment and resources, I’d brew something every two weeks, whether it is a 1 gallon or 5 gallon batch.

Let’s start with my equipment. I have:
2 6.5 gallon Carboys
1 one gallon Carboy
1 6.5 gallon fermenting bucket
1 6.5 gallon bottling bucket
Large Nylon Bag for Brew in a Bag
Large copper wort chiller
8 gallon boiling kettle
4 two liter miniature kegs & 2 taps

My previous batches are a one gallon Hefeweizen and a 5 gallon IPA, both extract. I have an extract Hefeweizen sitting in the secondary fermenter that I am very excited about. Before we get too much further into this – let me be clear – I know nothing. I am a beginner, I started with no knowledge. I didn’t even really start paying attention to what I was doing until I got into my second batch.

Now, let’s talk about my Hefeweizen. I did a 60 minute boil with 7 pounds of liquid extract and 2 pounds of steeping grains. Only one hop addition. Check the links section for a link to my brew-toad page, which will display my recipe and most recent brew log. This was an extract kit that I bought at my local home-brew supply store. By the way, you should definitely visit and support your local home-brew store, or LHBS for short. This beer is my first in many ways and I can’t wait to find out what it tastes like when it is done. Prior to this beer, I had never used syrup extract, and I had never used liquid yeast. Another big change for me this time around, was that I added my own flavors and changed up the recipe. Once the boil was complete, I added 4 ounces of orange peels that my wife and I had cut up. I soaked the orange rinds in vodka to sanitize them, and also added them to the hot wort to help sterilize them. The orange peels sat in my primary fermenting bucket for two weeks, during which time my brand new plastic carboy and 3 pounds of apricot puree arrived in the mail from Northern Brewer. Once the two week primary phase was completed, I added my puree into the plastic carboy and transferred my beer into the secondary fermenter, or carboy. It’s been a full week since I transferred, or racked, the beer into secondary. It will sit in the fermenter for about two more weeks due to all of the sugar being added in the secondary. Once the secondary fermentation stage is complete, I plan to keg 4 gallons of beer into my mini kegs and bottle the rest, where it will sit for three weeks while the flavors condition and the beer carbonates. Three weeks is the minimum though, my beer will probably sit closer to 4 or 5 weeks because I plan to take it to a music festival this year.

My goals for my home-brewing hobby are simple: Produce good beer, have fun learning, and always improve. I’m planning to move into all grain brewing for my next batch, which I’m very excited about. Switching to all grain from extract is like switching to baking a cake from scratch instead of following the instructions on the box, so it’s a big deal to me. All grain brewing is one of my big goals, right next to temperature control during fermentation, and kegging & dispensing.

Check back for more updates on home-brew & beer in the near future. I have a bottling day coming up in two weeks, possibly a brew day coming up in 3 weeks (hopefully sooner if I can do my own batch), and a tasting in about 4 -5 weeks, so there is more to come!

For note on the beer mention in today’s blog, check out https://www.brewtoad.com/recipes/hefeweizen-209

Aww Ships!

FriendSHIPS, RelationSHIPS & PartnerSHIPS.

Everyone has these types of ships. I love these ships. If I didn’t have these ships I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Friendships can turn into Friendshits (self-explanatory. also thank you Seana for this word.) Friendships are a two way deal… if one friend offers a hand & the other says constantly that they can’t take that hand then the friend just stops offering. at least thats how it is for me some times.

I would like to think I am good friend to some folks but to others I can be completely oblivious that they need me from the lack of communication or the times I’ve asked a person to hang out with me multiple times and they can’t. I’m not saying, “shame on you people who don’t hang out with me,” because I can be a bit much BUT what I am saying is if you care about someone & want to have a relationship (friendship) with them then communicating is a big factor.

In bible college someone said in order to make friends or have friends, you have to be friendly. I try to be friendly. I have little get togethers & invite all sorts of people usually the people I invite show up & have a good time. They meet new people and everyone has a good time. Why? because they’re friendly. They want to have friends.

When my best friend, Giovanna & I started hanging out more & more, we would talk constantly about our days, guys, music, food & etc etc. when we disagreed on situations we would swallow our pride & apologize to each other & move on… we most likely just laugh about how we both got our feelings hurt then eat chick fil a.

The moral of the story here is, be a good friend or a good person.

Please note: I wrote this blog about a month ago & have been editing it since the first time I typed it out.

Love always,
Mrs. Pinkerton!